Your return to my Metropolis

The room is what I call home now, I hide and the days just slip rather quickly, as if the earth rotated around sun on fast forward.  No real appetite for food nor lust for life and everyday the spark within me walks towards its end.  All I do is read words that pierce the armor and taint the heart.  I have been dumped on a body of acquaintances, shackled to the ground, forced to watch my friends leave, slowly but surely.  It feels like a cancerous mass growing exponentially inside of me,  a very slow death.  My failures haunt me constantly and it seems I’m the who cannot move on.  All the memories, the sacrifices, noble gestures and romantic intentions have been left behind.  I am nothing more than a memory by now, none of what I did  seems to have mattered.  And so I wonder will  I ever be worth the chase? Will you ever want me now? Now, when all the obstacles have been obliterated, where we could head down a path in which we could both flourish and achieve our goals.  I thought that your love for me would endure as mine has for you, foolish hopes and recurrent dreams.  Feels like my thoughts and my soul will always belong to you. I guess the saddest part of it all is that I still hope for your return to my metropolis.

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New year’s resolution

So a new year is upon me.  Multiple messages carrying empty wishes are expected and meet expectations and today is as dull and meaningless as yesterday.  I guess the earth may have moved a bit, still waltzing around the sun.  Nevertheless, its all the same to me and yet the little pieces of digital mail keep pouring in from social networks and wireless contraptions.  So I wonder whats the point of it all… What do they achieve by taking the time to write these overused and pointless messages of prosperity, wouldn’t it be more meaningful to be an actual part of that person’s life?  To have some type of relationship in which there is some sort of consistent back and forth on communication?  I guess I understand, people on average settle for the easy way out, even though we are always preached by our teachers, parents and relatives that everything in life worth doing is acquired through hard work and perseverance.  Keeping that in mind, am I not worth the struggle?  Maybe not… If there has been something consistent all through out my life, it has been abandonment.  Year after year people quit on me, my father, my sister, friends that have been become acquaintances, a former girlfriend and other members of the opposite sex.  So am I supposed to be able to think in a “positive” manner, that is more close to delusional than logical, that things will change and believe that just because 365 days, 5 hours with 48 minutes have passed me by, they actually will?  If I call it foolishness, I am called a pessimist and if I embrace it I become a sheep amongst the herd.  I do have goals, but they are not measured by days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries nor eons, but by struggling and pushing through every morning, with every breath I take.  But I guess thats what makes us individuals…

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At first sight

Everyday is the same.  The struggle to keep you of my thoughts is constant, overbearing, overwhelming.  It brings a hardship to my soul, whether I posses one or not.  I think about you in the most consistent basis known to man.  About the sultry tone of your voice and the warmth I felt whenever I heard it.  How conversing with you became my favorite past time.  How  I opened the gates and let you in, no questions asked, no sure thing, no deals made and nothing would prepare for what followed.  How I never thought I would meet such a wonderful woman, precious in every way.  Beautiful, gorgeous, sweet, witty, clever, talented, sensual, seductive, playful, fragile, lovely, unique, spontaneous, shy, timid, brave, honest, eloquent and tailor made for me…  Never did I dare to ponder all these fore mentioned qualities stored in a single person, not even in my most far fetched compositions of a “dream woman”.  I still love you as much as I always have, you still mean the world to me, I still wish the circumstances were different and you had chosen to go down the other road, I still want you, your companionship, to feel the comfort of your hand rubbing against my beard, for your voice to be the last thing I hear.  To caress your lips with mine again and feel our tongues entwine once more and bear the brand of your crimson red on my skin.  Just to stare at those pretty eyes of yours and lose myself in them like I used to.  You became like a tiny organism that began developing inside, growing and so eventually you just became a part of me.  A part I still don’t know how to live without…  You were love at first sight.  You still are and I strongly feel like you always will be.  No matter what I say to you or how I may act around you, I think about you all the time, I love you like I haven’t loved anything else in my life, every day and I always miss you, every single day.

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